Before we tackle my postpubescence, quick little Gyurke family update. As Todd, Rod, and Karla traveled abroad to Ireland in September for the Steelers vrs Vikings game they also obviously took the week traveling and site seeing. When doing so they stumbled into a fishing village named Dingle, Ireland.
Wandered their way into the only pub in the 1,200 population city and sat to have a few pops. They were enjoying their pops when an Irish band took the stage.
My parents in their life now love bands. Being married forever now, they notice sometimes when they go out just themselves they can run out of things to talk about. So to balance their love to go out and try new things, they often find a place with live music and hopefully a good band. Downtown Toledo their a new section of bars called "Ostrich Lane" and one of those new bars is an Irish Pub called "Molly's Pub". My parents love that place to the point my dad has became friends with Molly, and we are having our work Christmas party there.
As this 2-4 member super Irish band takes the stage in Dingle, my parents immediately love them. As Rod typically does during a break in their set he makes conversation with the band members. Talking to the band, it comes up in conversation that they are traveling to the United States just before Thanksgiving. Along with that they are going to New York, Toledo, Chicago, and then to Cleveland. Rodney says where are you going in Toledo, and they reply Molly's Pub (my dads new best friends bar). He shoots Molly off a picture of my family and the band and Rodney then goes full Rodney. He asks the band "Well if you need somewhere to crash in Toledo we got two full furnished empty bedrooms you can stay at". They somewhat play it off and says we will let you know.
Take a guess at what happened this Tuesday. Molly texts my dad and says "if the Gyurke Inn is still open, the band would love to stay the night with you guys". Rodney of course replies yes.
As I am writing this at 2pm today, the band "Dreams of Freedom" has arrived at my parents house to drop off their belongings and I am headed over there now to meet them and apparently the members that are staying in my childhood room. I know you all say I'm the social one, but Rodney in a town of 1,200 people, met a band for one night, and now they are crashing at our house. Unbelievable.
Postpubescence
I didn't know there was a word for "after puberty" but apparently it is: Postpubescence. I have always joked that I didn't hit puberty until I was basically out of college.
Freshman in college: 2012
Out of college: 2016
Downtown: 2019
I don't have anymore photos of my self so that kinda send the slide show.
That being said I think I was wrong in saying "I didn't hit puberty until college". In 8th grade health class we discussed the topic of puberty and the signs to know when you've started. Comparing us youth to caterpillars turning into beautiful butterflies (1 person here took that literally) and what are the signs that you are beginning your journey. Obviously the main sign we all came (pun) away with was Wet Dreams.
Note: Pretty wild that us boys just have a dream that makes us explode in our pants, meanwhile girls just start fucking bleeding.
Note 2: Ray from the last blog once said "What bleeds but doesn't die"..... "Girls". That joke is still made to this day amongst the Toledo group.
Well I'd like announce to this group (I think this is a safe space) that my tiny little pecker and me had its first Wet Dream this week at age 32 and I shall start my journey into puberty and hopefully growing a bigger pecker.
Note 3: I was going to screenshot some articles about puberty and wet dreams.
But Jesus fucking Christ, the first article in the google search is one. This is a teen health fucking blog? They are calling it a "nocturnal emission" and describing jizzing my fucking shorts as "during ejaculation, semen, comes out of the penis". No wonder this new generation is jizzing, fucking, and partying. Describing the best feeling in the world, that I can do while experiencing the second best feeling in the world, sleeping, as a "nocturnal emission really takes the fun out of it.
Note 4: At 3am sitting up in bed being like what the fuck just happened and Kathleen startled asking if I was okay... Honey that was fucking awesome.
Fantasy Football
How does one tie together, their first wet dream and starting puberty at the age of 32 to fantasy football? Let me show you.
- In the current standings order, not Kyles rankings-
Brian 8-3: The QB guru I am projected Drake Maye this year. Last year I was on Jayden, and this year was Drake. His week 14 bye is not great, but overall having him QB2 on the year is huge. Your issues continue at the RB spot and I don't think there is a way out. Woody Marks is in a full time split where he's getting under 50% of snaps and that can be said for the exact same thing as Monangi. Chase Brown getting Burrow back maybe even this week is fucking huge though. But I don't think Trey Benson practicing this week fixes your problem. I don't know the details but I would've hit up Will for a RB once my trade went through with him. WR wise you are also treading water. Evans has had 0 news coming out of even practicing yet, and do not, and I mean do not, look up Drake London's (if healthy) stats with and without Penis (intended). Also I think shopping Odunze for Kittle or Bowers was the move because I think Goedart isn't it.
Brian's Wet Dream: You need a Nick Chubb injury, a Rico Dowdle injury, a DeAndre Swift injury, and Kirk Cousins to Vikings Kirk Cousins.
Lukas 8-3: The "idk how I got here but I am not going to complain about it team of the year". I am not sure if anyone has looked at this team as a stand alone. But seeing that its 8-3 with a total of 1274.04 like actually pisses me off. I have 1283.28 PF and I am 9th at 4-7. Including last week in which I sold RB1 in CMC and RB3 (if played the entire year) in Dowdle. Not much else to say then I guess keep it up?
Lukas's Wet Dream: I had my first this week and you've been having one every Saturday night heading into Sunday the entire NFL season. Keep splurging on the waiver wires and keep plastering your hole filled boxers of a team with that sticky icky.
Alan 7-4: The current PF leader on the year. But as I mentioned a few weeks back in the blog I saw the cracks happening and now they are here. Mahomes last 3 weeks of: 22.96, 10.5, 13.34 has arrived. The Aaron Jones and Kamara experience, has also arrived. The Vidal and Rachaad White experience has arrived and by arrived I mean completely ended. Godwin has played a total of two games this year as a injured keeper coming into this year. But the Taylor, Amon Ra, and Adams who has 10 touchdowns in 11 weeks train keeps rolling. Still a top team in the league but the age and the midseason burst is now coming into fruition. Another person that should've looked at Kittle or Bowers.
Alan's Wet Dream: Godwin has to come back to WR1 status. Alec Pierce needs to drive off a cliff to get Josh Downs back into the swing of things. AJ Brown needs to go full AB and just let Hurts dish it to Devonta rather than force feed that pussy ass bitch AJ.
Kirk 7-4: I think the best team heading closer and closer to playoffs. Josh Allen is a fucking monster and for the Bills to even get in the playoffs will need to continue going off. Apparently Henry himself didn't have a problem rather, it was a no Lamar problem. Josh Jacobs is a bit hurt but has been reported hes practicing and it isn't anything major. JSN and CD are a fucking problem. Tet has been great these last few weeks and you still have Etienne on the bench whose gone for 15+ these last 3 weeks if you need him. All of that being said I think you made some wild choices. First, I wouldn't have traded MHJ at all, and I wouldn't have traded for AJ Brown at all. I don't know the behind scenes of any trades. Again I want to emphasize I know nothing about trades because once my team was done I was done. But a MHJ for a Bowers + Jeanty I'd like more. I'd also be down with MHJ + Etienne but give me a Lamar, Bowers, Jeanty and flip Lamar. I know its nit-picking to some extent but I have no faith in Andrews and in your spot as the best team heading into the playoffs of a $1,000 pot, I wouldn't give a fuck about next years keepers and just load the fuck up.
Kirk's Wet Dream: It's simple. Stay injury free, pray to god that AJ Brown and the Eagles figure it out, and
Andrews has to score touchdowns because look at his scoring when he doesn't.
Chris 6-5: First off I am honest and not a hater. If I was gay I'd marry you #1 and #2 would be Trey Mcbride.
Hot mother fucking damn Trey. Chase has lived up to his draft pick and Waddle has been great without Tyreek there. Kyren who I praised when you drafted him has started living up to it. Lastly per usual, I drop Jamo and he starts balling, so great pickup. I know you don't like when I hate your team but like brother.... you know or at least I hope you do, that I love you. You're one of the best humans I have interacted with and always bring a smile to everyone you're around. I have seen in live in 4k multiple times and I have seen you basically run/own the GAF. All that being sad.... starting 3
tight ends this week... what do you expect me to do. Along with my tight end hatred, Javontae has hit ground floor and JK Dobbins maybe played his last game ever. Keenan Allen has also come back down to earth. If I were you with all these tight ends, I would've trade Mcbride knowing you can't keep him for a haul. Go hit up kirky and be like give me MHJ + Etienne + 1. I just think instead of having 3 sexy ass tight ends, maybe we hit the market you know.
Chris's Wet Dream: Tight end wise I think he's living his current wet dream with 3 of them. But if not, pray Sam Laporta the only tightend not on your roster (pun) stays hurt for the year for Jamo's sake. We need Chase not to spit on it, it being his opponents. Lastly, Kyren has to keep it up and Javontae has to get it up.
Dustin 6-5: I am going to keep this one short, sweet, and to the point: Fuck Tampa for not putting Bucky on IR and edging you weekly. Completely different year for you if they actually take care of Bucky. Regardless I think you have a team that could make a run in Zay PPR steady, Nico back to being Nico, Achane was a hit, Stafford > Herbert (I was right on Herbert), Ferguson TE2, and Tee has Burrow back. Get in the playoffs and bucky comes back and you are a force.
Dustin's Wet Dream: Bucky comes back and Dustin becomes a contender.
Will 5-6: Half of this team is my team so I like it. Before I get into why I get mad at you at times lets start with the positives. Ladd has been getting back on track these last few weeks which helps the WR room and MHJ is clearly better with Jacoby which is big for your playoff push. Before I "rip" into you, I'd like to make a statement: If you have attempted to trade and or ship any of these RB's off WR's and someone didn't accept, I apologieze. <-- if that happened then disregard everything I am about to type. The fact that you didn't flip any of these fucking runningbacks is insane and actually trending towards the R-word. Not the one you use ending in R but the one that starts with it. Bijan, CMC, Dowdle, Walker, Hampton coming back, and Bijan.... You literally can't keep or fucking start all 5? Let alone you ideally are starting, Ladd, Gadsen, and Hampton?? That's one bad chargers game from immediately knocking you out the playoffs you aren't even in....
Will's Wet Dream: Chargers become the best offense in the history of the NFL with Hampton back. Dustin Changes the rules so you an start 5 RB's instead of 4.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wet Dreams of the Dreamless
This group of people have no dreams of this year aka we are never making the playoffs and are dry. But planning for the future can make (us) WAP(huck).
Doug 5-6: BAKERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR but like no cap also Michael Pittman and Judkins are great keepers.
Doug's Wet Dream: BAKERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR MVP.
Kyle 4-7: Humble brag I have crushed the waiver wire this year. In that same vein I also dropped Drake Maye. So whatever. I have Rashee as a keeper and henderson/Aiyuk. I am excited and pumped and thought this day would come.
Kyle's second Wet Dream (this week): Aiyuk goes back to a top 10 WR like 2021. Praise Be.
Dan 4-7: Not the year you wanted but like no cap.... Maybe the two best keepers going into next year? Warren and Pickens are both top #5 in their position and obviously Kirk broke the league last year and made a trade he never got approved and caused chaos and nobody every did anything about it but punished the rest of us by changing the rules just for him BUT rolling two keepers at the top of their position is massive going into next year.
Dan's Wet Dream: Kelsey has this baby before next weekend because I may miss "born on 3rd base" Ryan Day finally beat Michigan.
Cody 3-8: I have no clue how didn't ship Kittle off but thats about the only thing I got here.
Cody's Wet Dream: Thank god we never settled on a punishment this year and if I get last we do a bar crawl downtown which I do every weekend and is lit.
Austin 3-8: One of the worst fantasy performances in the history of our league.
Austin's Wet Dream: Hopefully nobody notices that I don't give a fuck about this league and hopefully I don't get kicked out. Hopefully nobody notices I don't even have a full fucking roster having 13 players on a 14 man roster. Hopefully nobody notices I maybe costed people spots at a shot for $1,000 because I started players on IR. Hopefully nobody notices that I haven't traded Bowers, Lamar, or Jeanty and the team who I haven't gave a fuck about since week 3 I am going to roll into next year and give up on again and possibly cost people next year a shot at a $1,000 pot because I don't give a fuck.
--------------------------------------------------
Love Y'all
~ My brain
Comments
Post a Comment