Week 14 - Charles Augustus Magnussen - My Last Vow

The show "Sherlock" starring Benedict Cumberbatch (goat), had a 78% rotten tomato's score back in 2010. It ran 5 seasons but my favorite and most relatable episode was Season 3 episode 3: His Last Vow. I will come back and tie this together but follow me. 

Two weeks ago on a Thursday snowy NFL primetime game the Browns beat the Steelers. I had over 15 separate people shit-talking-to-some-extent text messages from the likes of: this group, Toledo group, Matt Row, David Birchall, Sam Meier, and basically every Browns fan I had encountered in my 31 years of life.

Charles Augustus Magnussen (picture is above) was a media tycoon (think like head of NBC) and notorious blackmailer. In this episode, Sherlock and Watson are hired to retrieve some letters/information that Mr. Magnussen has in his possession and can use as blackmail at anytime towards Sherlocks client. Mr. Magnussen being known for being the biggest blackmailer in the world, has this massive estate called "Appledore". Appledore was rumored throughout Britain and the world, to be the location of all the black mail he had collected throughout his lifetime.

As the game finished two weeks ago and a tsunami of shit talking texts start flooding my phone; I promptly decide that I will start WW3 from my living room. I didn't say a word and was deep diving years of text messages and starting paragraphs. But even though I was quiet at a mouse, the energy, vibe, the ferocity I was smashing my phone, and the pure anger pouring out of my body was so noticeable that Kathleen literally said "I don't know what you are doing but I know it isn't good and I think it should wait till morning". I agreed and went to bed. 

This His Last Vow episode runs a full hour and thirty minutes. Skipping all the middle part drama (which is great btw) we come to the final 10 minutes of the episode. Sherlock and Watson sit down with Magnussen at Appledore in hope for an exchange. Sherlock has in his possession, illegally, the MI6's chief's laptop (which has global intelligence on it) and in exchange is asking for the physical letters/evidence clearing his friends names. The proposal falls through because Magnussen reveals that he has 0 hard copy evidence but stores everything in his Mind Palace.

I wake up that Friday morning two weeks ago and declare my Last Vow of shit talking and that I retiring from the game. Everyone has a "line in the sand that shouldn't be crossed" but when I am seeing red, I don't see lines, I see world destruction, I see life destruction, I want to verbally kill, assault, destroy, and demolish anybody and everything regardless of the consequences.... 

Magnussen's "mind palace" is basically just a way of saying that he remembers all of the black mail, everything said, and everything read. Because he owns a media company, he never has to show physical proof of the truth so instead he stores it all in his "mind palace" making this trade of laptop and physical proof impossible. As MI6 closes in on this meeting (the laptop sherlock stole had a GPS on it), Sherlock realizes that there is only one way to beat Magnussen, and that is to kill him. Sherlock no scope 360 headshots Magnussen in 4k in front of MI6 knowing he's going to jail for life but knowing because Magnussen kept all his secrets in his brain/mind palace, they will never get out. His Last Vow (sherlocks last vow to save his friends). 

Before shooting in forehead^^^^

After of Charles Augustus Magnussen falling to ground dead.

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I see myself in Charles Augustus Magnussen. I hold the receipts, texts, and have the anger to use this metaphorical blackmail to rip the Browns fans a new one. The game of trash talking. The game of arguing. The game of hot takes. The game of complaining about the Steelers. I vowed two weeks ago to quit the game and be better.........

BUT once the Steelers started kicking the absolute living shit out of the browns I was going to quit that vow and send this:

 After watching that fraud fucking piece of shit hack little bitch Jesse Smollet talk shit about TJ two weeks ago to absolutely no fucking show this week. Gets 1 single sack on our last drop back pass of the game, to celebrate said sack by shushing the crowd down fucking 14 with 5 minutes left, to then have Toney muff the punt the next play, and have the camera pan to you on sideline looking like the baby back bitch you are into the entire stadium chanting "Cleveland Sucks". Then in post press conference when asked what you thought about the chant you say "Lets hope they keep that same energy when we come play them here next year".  NEWFLASH FUCKTARD; THE BROWNS HAVEN'T WON A FUCKING REGULAR SEASON GAME IN PITTSBURGH IN OVER 20 YEARS. HOW ABOUT INSTEAD OF WORRYING ABOUT ENERGY AND TJ AND BITCHING ABOUT THE DPOY, MAYBE MAKE A PLAY FOR YOUR FUCKING DUMPSTER FIRE FRANCHISE AND 3-10 TEAM YOU NO SHOWING YAPPING FUCKING LOSER.

The finale being multiple receipts and screenshots over the last few years containing your reaction to beating the steelers. To which I then was going to reply to those screenshots saying: "if you treated every game/win against Pittsburgh with the same attitude you may actually prove yourself to be a real a franchise and or NFL program". 

BUT before I even had the chance to break my vow, I was fucking murdered.

Metaphorically and honestly somewhat physically speaking, I found out I am dead. I, like Charles Augustus Magnussen - the receipt king, was shot directly in the fucking forehead yesterday when searching for old texts to screenshot. Sherlock Holmes or should I actually say, Apple, put out a new update which deleted over 6 years of text messages aka receipts/proof that even though I have stored in my brain, I cannot physically go get. I have been murdered. Apple has officially killed me - Kyle Gyurke, the Receipt King.

Most of you maybe leaping for joy knowing that I can't go back in time and roast your dumbass. But the truth of the matter is: Two weeks ago I made a vow to be nice, caring, loving, and compassionate. To finally not go nuclear against my friends. To not pull up those old texts of CT, Will, Kirk, Matt, and Austin ripping the shit out of the steelers during a regular season game that the browns won two years ago (that I was with CT downtown but left early if he remembers) to which I replied congrats on winning your superbowl in which case I was going to send two weeks ago. So whether by choice or not by choice, I will be sticking to this vow from here on out. 

PS: 12/8/25 is now the new beginning date of how far I can go back to look up texts. So new mind palace starts now bitches. 

PSPS: Literally nothing changed in fantasy at all. Bye weeks and matchups before the week started are the same going into next week which is why there is nothing to say fantasy wise. 

~RIPIP My Brain