Week 4 - 1-800-426-3562

 

Little Pop Quiz for everyone:

1-800-426-3562

=   ?

1-800-HAND JOB

Half of you in here know the direction this is heading, (pause) (Kelsey, yes I am referring to a head of a penis) but none of you know where this is finishing (pause) (Kelsey I think you got this one). 

Doug had a diaper party Sunday where the boys gathered to Dan's to watch football. I watched my Steelers go full Tomlin and we got to watch the Browns go full Browns with Will. In the midst of Freaky 4 (Will's nickname for Watson) playing like shit, a topic arose, (pause)(Kelsey I think you've got this one also) that had people completely distracted from Browns and discussing Hand Jobs. 

I am on the team of hands on cock only, to climax, is hand job. Any play that has hands on cock but develops into more doesn't count. 

Other people argued anytime hand on cock with no climax is considered a hand job. 

"Kyle, two rated R riskqueeeee topics in back to back weeks you horndog" - you all probably. But what was more fascinating than the discussion itself was CT stating that he had never received a hand only job till climax ever. I requested CT have him and his lover try it out for a spin (pause) and then post climax just send a Gif/meme to the boys once he had completed his task, well technically hers, describing the job of the hand. CT was being lame and so Doug decided to take it upon himself to Facebook message CT's lady and request it for him. Obviously that didn't go so great. So I hope explaining what was going on to your lady went well CT, and I hope one day, even when we are in all in the same nursing home, you send us that GIF/Meme. 

Onto how this relates to Fantasy Football.....

Throughout the week, as the active manager I am, I have been just tipping my toes into the trading pond. Now its week 4, bye weeks haven't even happened yet but by dipping my toes in this pond I found out that there is a fucking shark out there and this is no pond, but a fucking ocean. Shockingly, this shark isn't me but, holy fucking shit is this great white feigning to take advantage of all the little guppies out there. Half of us know who this person is as you've probably received a text from them but others may not. Now I've been harpooning this shark's trades here and there but I haven't killed it and I suspect you could be next on its hit list. So my advice is to watchout, and pay attention. 

Oh shit I forgot to add how climaxing and hand jobs applies to fantasy football and our shark... Well here is my response to the trade the shark proposed me:

Maybe have the lady spit on it first CT, it make make the trade or experience be a bit better.

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Fantasy Football:

This is where the season starts getting into the nitty gritty and the truth telling behind your team. Have you accounted for injuries, have you been active on the waiver wire, and have you been looking for trades for this or next. All things to consider and keep in mind as if the injuries weren't enough; bye weeks enter the fold. I think either next week or week 6 I will do a full on breakdown of teams and players as I think some might start prepping for next year or other pushing to win this year. Until then here are my rankings:

1.) Wilson

2.) Kyle

3.) Chris

4.) Lukas

5.) Dustin

6.) Alan

7.) Cody

9.) Dan

9.) Austin (hint: Rhamondre is getting benched this week)

10.) Will

11.) Doug

12,) Kirk

PS: Having only 2 TOTAL bids on Dontayvion Wicks is insanity.. When Christian Watson will be out while his next opponents are the Rams followed by the Cardinals... I'll call my shot right this second.. He will be in the top 15 WR scoring in both week 5 and week 6.

~ My Brain