Week 3 - Are our wives gay?

 Alexa, play "Unholy" - by Kim Petras and Sam Smith

Welcome my mother fucking bitchesssssss (and dudes who normally read this). It has come (unintentional pun) to my knowledge that our (gay) wives/girlfriends/chicks may be "gay" but we will get to that in a moment. 

First I'd like to start things off by saying I think I went head over skis a little bit last week. Promoting the topic a week prior has certainly garnered interest/attention from the (gay) females, while simultaneously drumming enough excitement for someone amid a presumable all-vodka-splash-of-sprite-in-a-yeti drunken 3:11am Blue Mountain State binge to send this text:

                                                       

Again, I'd like the person to remain unnamed. 

Editors note: Shout out Kirk for believing in me.

Secondly, I probably should address the video that is circling around of my dancing (crushing it Bee Tee fucking W) to "Unholy" by Sam Smith. If you haven't seen it yet you probably will because my (gay) wife is addicted to showing it to people. In our Toledo friends fantasy league, because everyone now lives so far apart, the loser of said league has to plan a trip out for everyone to get back together.

Note: I lost last year and have to plan this year's trip. 

Kathleen (gay) lost a few years back and planned a trip to Ashville when this song was, rightfully so, #1 on the charts. Watching the music video a few of us decided to learn the dance that the goat Sammy did from 1:59 - 2:10 of the video. I was drunk and also horrific at the dance. It's been a running joke for years now. Every time I play dance cup they play it, I fail the dance, we laugh at Kyle, and continue on playing. Well after the boozey pool day Saturday, when I got home I decided to go full "unnamed person above" and maybe poured myself a lemon-flavored-vodka-splash-of-water to keep the party going. Little did I know nobody else wanted to keep the said party going, so I took that opportunity (over an hour) to learn the unholy dance that haunted my past. Like my blog last week, to drum up the excitement for the trip this year Kathleen posted said video to our fantasy traveling group and this was the response:

Two fucking pity "hearts"? I mean seriously? I timed that bitch up to even the music video in the background. Whatever. I'm clearly not mad at all but on November 1st in Detroit, all those "Hocking Hill Have Eyes" bitches will be forced to do that same dance, while hammered, and I will point and laugh. 

Thirdly (didn't know that was a word) and lastly onto the question at hand, "Are our Wives Gay?". I screenshotted and attached the text to last week's blog which I sent last week to my investigative in-field journalist whose response was: "Everyone is a little gay".

Note: I attempted to facetime this investigative journalist on Saturday, he didn't answer the first time, answered the second time, and basically had no time for me and hung up within 5 seconds. Nice.

With the information provided by my investigative journalist who openly doesn't give a fuck about me; I decided to dig for more truths. I found said truths and am going to present or wives maybe gay.

Truth #1: Our wives kiss dudes. I do believe we all have a picture of this truth on a shelf somewhere in our homes.

Truth #2: Our wives are fantastic dancers. I've seen the floor of dance and I'm always outclassed by a gay man.

Truth #3: Our wives are always best dressed. Not only am I getting outclassed by the move of dance but he's also the best dressed on said floor.

Wait a second timeout. Boys:

#1.) We've all kissed each other.

#2.) We've got some fantastic dancers (pending the MCL of the unnamed person above).

#3.) We've got some of the best dressed boys in here.

I think my investigative journalist who hates me was onto something....

Everyone is a little gay..... 

Note: I know none of those truths apply to you Will or Austin. But one of you is in a relationship with another male in this league. The other goes by the nickname "Lil Dump". 

_______________________________________________________________

This has been quite the journey and multi-day blog. Sorry if it didn't live up to the hype. I could've went the more rated-R plot of like having cum on your stomach (don't act like we haven't been there before boys) and or sucking a lot (not dicks but titties(sup dan)) but I'll save that for our next drunken game night. So I am going to round out with a few just fantasy little tid-bits and hit road. No rankings this week but as we hit the bye-weeks and start seeing the teams that have depth and still put up points, I will then bring them back.

Fantasy Notes Per Team:

- I rip Chris's team and he still wins and now he has the second most points going into week 4. That being said I think its worth noting that Josh Allen is on an un-godly pace and two almost 90 year old running backs are carrying this team.

- Brian not having AJ and scoring 160 is scary. Much like Allen, I truly don't know if Saquon can keep doing what hes doing. 

- Lukas is still my favorite team on paper currently. I know losing Waddle is huge but we haven't seen Laporta or really this Lions offense get going like last year. It always takes a few weeks for teams to get into a groove and I don't think this team has peaked yet. 

- Kyle. I had Juaun Jennings in my lineup over Connor an hour before kickoff. Im glad it didn't matter either way. My whole goal was to go not be 0-4 by week 4 due to Brooks and Chubb on the IR. So far everything is going to plan and I will have 5 starting single-man backfields (I think achane even thought split backfield will still put up numbers) coming soon.

- Austin I could be mean but your 2-1. I encourage everyone to go check the Points Against category of our league and then see Austin's. My team alone has already crossed the 400 points against mark (which is fucking insane btw) in week 3. But I will give props in being active in the waiver wire this week brother man.

- Dustin I hate that I dropped Mooney and I love that you picked him up. I think he's the perfect 4th flex spot for you now that Tee is back and Deebo will be back soon. 

- Alan the whole "return of the king" red carpet layout has sucked for you. I picked on you a few weeks back for drafting the niners defense that early and then having these injuries. Having said that nothing can fix the amount of injuries you're going through. Same thing happened to me last year so just ride the wave and pray.

- Cody I think you've done your best also with the injuries you've had. I think this team will be super hit or miss going forward. Lots of go off or go broke games coming ahead. 

- Dan I am going to be real honest here.... CMC having to fly to Germany to see a calf specialist is like all-time worst case scenario. I also think if and if this team can find their groove IE Pickens and Moore you can still be a solid squad. 

- Will losing a few pieces this early due to injuries is why you are where you are. I also think that your team once it puts itself together still can be solid. This Wilson/Rodgers game is coming.

- Doug you'll have 3-4 players go nuclear and then 3-4 just put up absolute shit. I don't think their is a fix to that as its just the teams they are on. Unless they start timing their cycles up like the gay bitches its gonna be a wild ride this year for you. Also the only person after 3 weeks with under 300 points for... not great...

- Kirk I actually think if you can pick up a couple wins here shortly this team won't be horrible down the stretch. You like Doug got a lot of hit or miss players but those players are on better teams that I think will get better as the year goes on.

Thats a wrap for this week boys. Next week is bye weeks along with a presumable everyone gets injured this week. Pray, knock on wood, and kiss your gay ass wife/lady friend to sleep and I'll see you boys next week

~My Brain