A Frank Conversation
One of the Insurance Companies we do business with has adopted the slogan of "Frank Conversations" over the last few years. The point is to basically have an open and honest conversation with someone who you would offend or disappoint, but starting it off with "Let's have a Frank Conversation" typically lightens the blow of the negativity you are about to present them. So you fucking losers, I today will be having a Frank conversation with each of you as owners in regards to your team. I hope the fact I am presenting it as a frank conversation will help you cope with my opinion of your own team and maybe help your decisions going forward.
So let's begin our frank conversations:
Joint per Reception: Unequivocally the unluckiest fantasy manager this year. With 4 starting RB's hitting IR within 7 weeks in a 12-man + double flex league. Throw in you have the most points against, and a bunch of soft fucking pussy non-trading owners (I will get to that <--- later) you are screwed. We've talked off to the side of your future plans and I agree with your next steps. So frankly, see you in 2024.
Team Kamel3481: You have a bit of an unlucky bug for sure I will not doubt that. Wilson (no qb), Deebo, Monty, Dobbins (I guess I think he was gonna suck this year anyways), Higgins, and now Jerome Ford injuries. BUT, I know you have been contacted on trades from me and multiple others around the league and could have fixed this team in a heartbeat. You have 4 trade-worthy runningbacks, meanwhile, you sit there juggling Wilson, Deebo, and Higgins who have all been hurt or injured but you haven't done a thing. Your team has the lowest points scored for probably the most trades entertained on the year but the reluctance to take a chance or move a player is literally costing you the playoffs. Frankly, you didn't entertain trades/turned down trades to have Kendrick Bourne and Wondale Robinson in a double flex league be your WR1/WR2 on the week. Congrats on the 93 points this week.
Nijbba Please: Frankly this is one of the teams in the league that's going to be extremely hard to beat and actually doesn't need to make any moves. He won a week where both his top tier RB's didn't play, got a little lucky on the Bijan having headaches but all in all top to bottom loaded. People forget he has got Josh Palmer sitting on the bench.
Unsolicited Dak Pics: The double running back first two rounds are now killing you. You have a shitty WR room that has about 2 weeks left until it gets even fucking worse the second JJ comes back. To top it all off there is nothing on waivers that can save it and your bench currently has about 1.5 players worth even having on your bench. Oh, and Lizard King has one game over 6 points all year this year on track with the entirety of his pro career which is fucking nothing. Before you come at me and say Quinton Johnston sucks, yes he does suck. The whole point of that conversation is I want the guy that has upside (QJ), not the guy who sucks and will forever suck in the NFL (Lizard). Frankly, your team is dead until that WR room gets cleaned up.
Slay All Day: Quick pause for a heart-to-heart moment, I love you. That being said I hate this team. As the 0RB believer, truther, and specialist I hate every fucking thing about this team. Frankly, all that being said you're somehow winning and dodging the injury bug. You could go get a fucking haul of WRs to fix up that WR room a little bit but you're the RB guru so follow your heart and I think people should keep an eye on this team.
Cooper Troopers: As a noted Adam Thielen hater I am man enough to apologize for my transgressions against him. On the record: I don't think this continues and I think he falls off the cliff entering the second half of the season. That being said, I have no fucking clue why you haven't traded one of those tight ends. The whole purpose of going double TE is to trade one of them. "But Kyle they both are balling out right now" - you probably. Yeah, that's true, but your RB room is thin as ice. Robinson has been average since week 3, and James Cook is hit or miss. Frankly, trading Robinson + Goedart for a true #1 running back, and then filling that flex with at worst case Gabe Davis is better than what you're currently throwing out there.
Jahmyr-cycle on 34th st: Currently I think you have by far and away the best team in the league currently. Putting up 150 points without arguably a top 3 player in all of fantasy is wild. I will bring to light that your work on the waiver wire has also been the best this year. Obviously, everyone is going to point to the addition of the $1 Puca but Josh Downs was a huge snag that most people don't even know who he is. Frankly, I don't see anyone beating this team come playoff time.
Matt Roe's a Hoe: The power of hate flows through you brother. I was a hater turned into the biggest fan and believer of this team post week 1. 3rd highest points in the league and still counting. Frankly because I am the biggest believer in this team, I won't say that Pittman hates the Colts rights now (came out bitching today), Cooper doesn't have a QB to throw him the ball, and Achane is back in a week. You may also have the single worst bench players in the league. You could make some magic happen as you have 4 starting RB's on your team with no real receiver support but that's up to you. BUT I WILL NOT SAY THAT BECAUSE I AM THE BIGGEST FAN OF THIS TEAM.
Team Wilson: I also love this team and think it has the chance to go the distance. Unfortunately, you like the browns took a gamble on the 250m sexual predator, rapist, and arguably one of the worst trades in NFL history to be the lead QB on this team. I do not hate the Stroud pickup and think he can be a solid 15-20 point guy but the last piece of the puzzle that separates you from the top is a QB. Frankly, until you can go god mode on your weekly waiver wire QB chase, I think you're one step behind.
Christian McNasty's: Welcome back!! Quite frankly, it's pretty hard to rate this team as it's reliant on one person. CMC is I believe the best fantasy player on back to back years now. You could argue Tyreek but I think I can find similar value in other WRs but nothing compares to CMC in the RB room. If CMC continues this streak I think you'll always be hard to beat. I was a believer in Mixon but he has been horrible this year which leaves you a little light at RB. But like last year you continue to be the luckiest person in fantasy football that I've ever seen. Frankly, this game we play called fantasy football at the end of the day comes down to luck and you've had the best luck.
Editors note: Do not block me over saying you're the luckiest guy in the league. I still don't forget last year, when you had James Robinson, traded from the Jags mid-season for Etienne to pop off and to have CMC traded from the Panthers to the 49ers. This year you got the Kareem Hunt lottery with Jerome Ford now out, you have Hockenson with JJ out and I guess you lost Mike Williams to IR but I wasn't high on him to begin with (Idk how Brandon Staley still has a job). I am not a hater I am just pointing out that I want some luck.
Pitts N Giggles: This is probably the worst time for me to write this. I actually think out of all the teams in the league and all of the years we've done this I've never wanted someone to lose more than you. You are impossible to trade to the point I get a trade you ASKED FOR AND SAID YOU WOULD ACCEPT with a 3rd party and have the deal sitting there in front of you, you say "I just spat out a name and I didn't really mean it". You have been bailed out of not experiencing one injury on the season and your team is ass. You lose 1 RB and the whole ship sinks. You currently have 3 fucking defenses on your roster in a FAAB league, 12-man, double flex, WHILE BACKUP RUNNING BACKS ARE ON WAIVERS? Do you not want to take a long shot or maybe have any depth on this team?
"It's not lucky, I won the league before" - you probably.
Let me break this down for you.
Austin: 895 points for, 734 points against, 0 injuries on the year 5-2.
Kirk: 828 Points for, 959 points against, 4 RBs on IR by week 7 and 1-6.
I hope you lose every fucking game and your entire running back room dies.
Chicago Bears: I don't really know how I got here but I am happy where I am heading. Currently, 5/5 of my first 5 rounds have been a bust to some extent. Chase, Olave, Ridley, Fields, and Moore have been the least consistent fantasy players ever. Achane and Herbert are on IR yet I'm still kind of in this thing. Whispers are coming out that Kyler could be coming back this week, Achane and Herbert are on track to come back here in week 9, JSN got involved with the Seahawk's offense more, and Tank Dell I think is going to be a stud in fantasy. Basically and quite frankly, I believe this team isn't dead yet, and if.... it's a strong IF Ridley/Olave/Chase even remotely acts like a player drafted in the rounds they were drafted. Watch Out.
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Before we get to the rankings on a league-wide note: Frankly, if you say to someone trying to trade you:
- I am good with my team I don't need to trade.
- I am going to give it a few weeks before I decide to trade.
- Or just never reply to someone trying to trade you.
You are objectively the worst person on planet Earth for not even giving someone the time of day to try to make their team better and show effort in the league.
"But Kyle my team is winning and nobody cares about this as much as you" - Some of you probably.
My reply:
"Nobody will ever care nearly as much as me and I am okay with that. But there are people who care, people who want to make an effort, and you never know what could or will come from an initial trade offer to what may actually happen in the completed trade. This league is intentionally designed to make people care and fucking try. $100 entry each year, FAAB, Keepers, Extra Flex, and punishments. So at fucking least entertain someone who is trying not to be that person above. Frankly, I am not saying you are a loser for not trading. I am also not saying everyone should go make a trade right fucking now. All I am saying is to hear somebody out, entertain, and give them the time of day so they continue to want to put effort towards the league instead of saying "fuck it" by week 8. I am in too many leagues where it's just playing the players you have, maybe hitting the waiver wire on bye weeks, and poking fun at the person you play whenever you play them.
PS: Austin even though we couldn't agree and I roasted you up there. I do appreciate your texting and working with me the last couple of weeks.
PSPS: I still hope your RB room dies.
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Last Week's Rankings:
1.) Jahmarycle-on 34th st
2.) Matt Rows a Hoe
3.) Team Wilson
4.) Njibba Please
5.) Slay All Day
6.) Chicago Bears
7.) Unsolicited Dak Pics
8.) Cooper Troopers
9.) Pitts n Giggles
10.) Team Kamel420xdloljk69
11.) Joint Per Reception
This Week's Rankings:
1.) Jahmarycle-on 34th st
2.) Team Wilson
3.) Njibba Please
4.) Matt Roe's a Hoe
5.) Slay all Day
6.) Christian McNastys
7.) Chicago Bears
8.) Cooper Troopers
9.) Pitts n Giggles
10.) Unsolicited Dak Pics
11.) Joint Per Reception
12.) Team Kamel3458
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~ My Brain
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