Football is Back

Football is back. I need to apologize for the lack of rankings these last two weeks. To make up for it, I am going to do a full breakdown of each team/their power rankings. Along with that, I am already starting to prep my playoff matchups/breakdowns for this next upcoming week. 

But before we get to break the seal in regard to the power rankings, I do want to shout out that team up north for the monster win they had a week or so ago. As a die-hard red and grey fan, it's sad to see that I now have two coaches (Steelers and OSU) who both were born on 3rd base. So congrats big brother up north and I can't wait to see that navy and gold blow out TCU in a few weeks. 

Power Rankings Full Go Mode:

#1.) Scam Fakers - Matt: The team that by not trading but by NFL trades is actually very good. Hockenson, McCaffery, and Etienne have all been superstars/better post-the NFL-made trades. All the haters of your actual in-season trade (Allen/whomever for Kyler/Lockett) I haven't heard from since (Lukas, Doug, and Dustin). The Tuesday you made the trade I stood up for you in person (Doug, Dustin, Lukas) and said I actually think this was a good trade. You needed a #2 receiver and guess what Lockett in the last 5 out of 5 weeks has a touchdown. Dallas in the next two weeks has Houston and Jacksonville... So that defense is not a fluke either. I will say the one position all year you've tried to figure out is the flex, and I don't think Perine is the long-term guy there for you.

#2A.) Hot Dug - Doug: I am giving you the "A" spot here because of your record. Look you're 10-3 but your team is actually trending a bit downward in my eyes. Dak due to their schedule/their defense won't be throwing the ball past the 1st quarter the next two weeks which sucks for CD, Derrick Henry is averaging under 3 yards a carry for the whole last month (granted his schedule is a cakewalk here shortly), Rapist boy came back and is fucking horrible at throwing a football for Cooper, and Evans hasn't been Brady's #1 since Godwin became healthy. I do think to some degree Josh Jacobs is sustainable and Kelce will be back to his ways this upcoming week. I mentioned earlier this year you lost that trade with Cody for Swift for Evans, but honestly that's still maybe the dumbest move made this year by anyone. Swift was gonna come back, he is a top 5 back when healthy this year, and you had multiple weeks to just not play him as you were in the playoffs like two weeks ago. 

#2B.) A Fierce Breeze - Kyle: Giving myself the B spot here was hard but is warranted. Jalen Hurts who was my circled-in guy of the draft that I must have (outside of Pittman) is now the #1 QB in the league drafted in the 5th round, Diggs, Adams, and Hopkins all are monsters. The problem is sometimes those monsters have a 1.1 final score game (Adams) and my running back problem is a real problem. To my knowledge, I don't think since the trade for Hopkins my combined runningback total score in a week has gone over 10 total points between two players more than once. At this point, I am the grim reaper and am just waiting for a starting running back to die and pray I have his backup on my bench.

#4.) In Chase we Trust - Lukas: I know the record (7-6) may not show it but Lukas is currently 4th in "points for" this year only being 40 points back from the leader, while the next closest is 132.82 points behind him. As long as he can make the playoffs (which it looks like he's probably in) he's shown he can score enough points to win him fantasy football games. The Bengals are shaping up and are in the same exact spot to make their Superbowl run meaning Burrow and Chase are gonna be monsters. Damien Harris can't get healthy/the pats even though they suck know Rhamondre Stevenson does not. Pollard I believe is the #7 running back in fantasy this year, Godwin and Andrews are clear #1's on their team. Flex wise I do think Jamaal Williams carries are going to start dropping as Swift is clearly the better back, Pacheo/Andy Reid seems to pick 1/3 runningbacks that week and use them, and Trey Burks isn't coming back anytime soon. This is my "sleeper" but can win the whole thing team. 

---- The teams above are the only teams I see a shot at winning this thing on paper. Fantasy is yes all about luck and who plays who/who pops off but this is the first time in any league I have seen this big or a drop off in "points for" from the top teams to the middle of the pack. Again there is a 132.82-point gap in "points for" which the next closest being Chris, who isn't going to make the playoffs.

Without further to do let's get into the middle of the pack/teams that I think have no business winning this thing. 

#5.) Thiccstooge - Brian: A team once the last place team has now made it up to #5. Tee Higgins seems to have started to pick back up, Sun god trade was huge as he is very good, and even Najee has started to shake things up and score again. The issue you have (which I warned you about 900 times on the phone over multiple phone calls while we were talking through trades) is you have a team full of players that can pop/have big games but you have too many of them. Every week from here on out you're going to juggle on who to start Najee, Brian Robinson, Ken Walker, Mixon, Gabe Davis, Devonta Smith, and even Jakobi Meyers. Basically, you have 3 spots to fill on your starting roster but 7 players to fill it with. Yet again you picked wrong and started Gabe Davis over Devonta this week. I do think your team can make a run and do damage in the playoffs but you have to go 5/5 on your runningbacks/receiver positions.  * Yes I know Tua/Ken/Mixon is hurt but come playoff time they will be back.

#6.) Slay All Day - Chris: Let me start by saying this... This is the best 4-9 team of all time and if he made it to the playoffs I'd be terrified. A starting lineup of Fields, Saquon, Chubb, Waddle, Kennan Allen, Raachad White is better than most starting lineups in the league. Along with that Garret Wilson/Hollywood Brown on the bench. Jesus Christ. His yearly grade card back in school would be, smart, genius, brilliant student but just never showed up due to injury. Calling my shot now, this will be the toilet bowl winner and I see no calendar in this man's future. 

------- These last teams to me you can throw in a barrel and shake these monkeys around and spew them out because they all suck and are almost impossible to rank. But I shall do my best.

#7.) Captain Kamerca - Fliff God - Austin: One of the more confusing teams on the rankings in my eyes. The one team I could say is if they all may be played well at the same time you'd have a different year. Lamar was in MVP form to start the season, now is horrible (before the injury), Zeke was horrible and now is very good, Kamara is either a god or horrible, and your depth in Mostert/Mckinnon either is good enough to start or horrible. This team is so all over the place that on a good day you'd be a bit higher in the rankings, but on your bad days, holy fuck this team sucks outside of Tyreek. 

#8A.) Joint Per Reception - Kirk: I am giving you the "A" slot only and only if Jeff Wilson sees more than 1 carry this upcoming week. Much like the Chiefs, it seems Mike McDaniels picks his favorite running back that week and gives him all the carries. Eckler has been great and the trade for Scary Terry (insert Dustin Gloating here) has been massive. But Josh Allen has had 2/3 bad weeks these last 3, DJ Moore sucks, Mike Williams has been hurt/is typically very good or very bad, Bradin Cooks much like you, hates his team, and now Fournette is pretty much the clear backup. If Ajones is actually hurt hurt, AJ Dillon will be a big play for you! Oh wait shit, Packers are on bye next week nevermind he's useless.

#8B.) My Goodies - Alan: You get the "B" slot here. I would give you a bit higher rating if Juju didn't get hurt and kept the scoring run he had earlier in the year. The "AJ's" (Brown/Jones) are your only actually talented players on this roster top to bottom/Olave is good but I have no clue why they aren't playing Jameis. The Jets backfield is currently a mess (trust me im hand in hand with you on that) and Miles Sanders either scores a ton or really none which he has in common with the new addition of rapist boy, who scored a ton but now scores none (due to no longer being able to cum on women who didn't give him permission).  

------ "You can't win the league on draft night, but you can certainly lose it" these teams lost week 0. 

#10.) Kamelnumbernumbernumbernumber - Will: People hated our trade (which if my math adds up you'd still be up in points on the trade) but I don't think not doing that trade would have saved you. To me it's simple: Jonathan Taylor's #1 overall pick is like #15/even deeper on points scored for running backs this year, Deebo your #2 draft pick (someone stat check me on this) is hanging around #20/#25 on the year for WR scoring. So from the get-go, you are behind the 8 ball and it's super hard to recover from that. DK you didn't even get until like week 4 (?) from Brian. So all in all you may be our recurring winner of bad drafting in back-to-back years (shout-out to OBJ in like round 3).

11.) Douglas DD, Dug - Nattyboi - Cody: I said on the draft night I thought your team was horrible. If Brian Robinson didn't get shot it'd be worse, if Khalil Herbert didn't get hurt it'd be worse, and if you didn't trade for Swift, it'd be way worse. Using the keeper spot on Mike Evans this last year was probably why you voted to throw everyone back in the pot because you can't be trusted to make that decision on your own anymore. Everyone including yourself knew the time was coming when you'd lose every game after your 6-0 start (stat check), and well the time is now. 

12.) Sunday Cook Out - Dustin: Currently sitting at 1300.76 points which is on average 100 points a game in a PPR league. I mean even if you didn't play a full lineup week to week I think most teams would still be over that 100-points-a-game mark. I don't really know the details of the calendar situation or how that plays out but I'd start looking into it. Along with that, I am all about taking late-round shots at receivers who have the potential to show out later in the season. But you took Lazard who was never Rodgers #1 and they drafted two rookies to literally replace him, Theilen is old and just takes up space, and the 1 guy you believed in who has been balling out Scary Terry, you traded for James Connor. All of which were your starters for the majority of the year. Not to mention the Fournette for Sutton trade along with OBJ signing (I'm assuming) with the Cowboys meaning Gallup is all but splitting his catches. 

Next week is the playoffs. I will be skipping the toilet bowl as Chris is going to mop the floor with everyone but instead doing a matchup breakdown of the playoff teams and my projected points for them that week. Each week following that will be a similar layout but only ranking the playoff teams remaining. 

My Brain,