Divisions of a Mirror and Cancelled Sports Until November

 As always rankings will be at the bottom.

Before we get into the hoopla and have a ton of fun, let me be clear: sports are canceled until November. Steelers fucking suck, Usa mens soccer team fucking sucks, and when I lose to the jets at home in under a week, it will fucking suck.

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"The mirror can lie. Doesn't show you whats inside. And it, it can tell you you're full of life. Its amazing what you can hide by putting a smile one" - Demi Lovato

"Stop saying these negative things about yourself. Look in the mirror and find something about yourself that's positive and celebrate that." - Tyra Banks.

"I used to look in the mirror and feel shame, I look in the mirror now and absolutely love myself" - Drew Berrymore

If you've made it this far, congrats you might be the only one who kept reading; but stay with me here as our rankings this week will be based on these quotes. 

Week 4 is on its way and teams are starting to figure themselves out on an NFL level which directly relates to us as fantasy managers. Because of that, it's time for everyone to take a quick peek into the mirror and figure out who their team really is. Lucky for you losers (outside of Cody as we are 3-0), I've taken it upon myself to look in the mirror with you as if I'm tying on your little dumbass tie for wedding getting-ready pictures. It is about to get real and this is 100% gonna bite me in the ass but here is how the breakdown will work:

Demi Lovato mirror divison - Your team draft night was bad, and still is bad, you are lying to yourself if you think it's good or gonna get better. 

Tyra Banks divison -  Few negatives and a few positives, can you win a few games yes, and celebrate those.

Drew Berrymore divison - Last year was last year, you felt the shame, but this year you've turned it up a notch and are already a contender. 

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First up:

Drew Berrymore division: Good and Good,

#1.) A Fierce Breeze - Kyle: Starting to live up to the name, Breeze Hall and Dameon Fierce are starting to take over. The 3 wideouts are still top 15 guys, and Jalen Hurts is putting up 25+ points in the first half without even having to play the second half. Currently barring injury, quite truly a fierce breeze.

#2.) Just playing for not last - Doug: Ironic is his name, but dear god talent is his game. I'd argue the most talented roster in the league including the bench. Apparently missing dak, broncos not scoring points, shared time in green bays backfield, no rapist, raiders only scoring half a game per game, and Mariota throwing the ball = a top fantasy team? I have no fucking clue if this is sustainable but here we are.

3.) In chase we trust - Lukas: I was wrong, but more importantly all of you were wrong. Drafting two TE's works (kinda) and keeping Andrews was the smartest thing he's done. I will be the first to say the Swift injury puts him here, but that shouldn't be held against him. God's one and only Sun and chase are having. I do wonder how Mac Jones being dead hurts the backfield or the pats and this team but we will see.

#4.) Douglas, Dug, DD - Cody: 3-0 is 3-0. I honestly don't have much positive to say about this team as I really don't get how he's winning and putting up massive points. Other than the Bucs defense is clearly the best defense in the NFL and from what I was told "defense wins championships". 

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Tyra Banks Division: Good and Bad.

#5.) My Goodies - Alan: Does anyone else have no fucking clue why his name is "My goodies"? Anywho, this is the classic, live by the QB/RB same team duo. Well, this classic is like when your parents make you watch "It's a Wonderful Life" every Christmas except in this film the broncos do in fact jump off the bridge. That was too much hand-up, but I do see this team like my hand only going up. AJ Brown and Waddle are real, Ajones will be fine and olave is the bright spot on top of the tree for this team.

#6.) Slay All Day - Chris: Good = when his team is alive they are very good, Bad = when his team is dead they are very bad. So, I'd like to give this year's award of "I drafted the most injury-prone fantasy team of the year hoping they won't get hurt but it is going into week 4 and they are all starting to get hurt" team to you Chris. Congrats my brother.

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Demi Lovato Divison: These teams all suck and lie in the mirror to themselves saying it's gonna be good.

#7.) Kamel3481 - Will: To be completely honest, I think you do have a decent team and just had an off week this last week. Deebo last year was great and now Jimmy G will get him back on last year's track. But the real reason and the only reason you are ranked this high seeing you have literally 0 bench players and nobody to play the flex for you is like Thanos: a juiced-up god in Dhop is incoming in a month. 

#8.) Hide and go Zeke - Austin: Lamar is having the best start to a NFL season ever and you're still midway through points for this year. Tyreek is being tyreek and Kirk is actually good but the judge is out: Kamara and Zeke suck. Flex spot is currently filled with a "?" on who will actually get more than 5 points for the week. 

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Demi Lovato on calling Aliens "extraterrestrial" is "offensive" to aliens (yes that happened) Divison: Impluse addition to the rankings: I find these teams offensively bad.

#9.) Sunday Cook Out - Dustin: Well brother, you tested the "these players could be great": narrative to the fullest with, Terry, Lazard, Thielan, Robinson, Gieski, Fournette, Herbert, Cook, singletary. Turns out they all can be great but apparently when they are all on the same week you still lose. Save me the 4 runningbacks are in the top 20 yadayada we know that's not sustainable. 

#10.) Joint Per Reception: Some live and some die by the first 4 rounds of 3 RB strat. Welp your dead. Because of the Wr's you did draft either go off or do nothing, but when the RB's are doing nothing weekly this is truly an offensive team.

#11.) Scam Fakers: "I just need Hunter Renfrow back".

#12.) Thiccstooge - Brian: Stafford connection to Robinson thus far is non-existent, along with Stafford in general. Drafting the bengals/steelers seems to have not worked but you may have one good player in devonta smith who did well! On the bench. This team hasn't scored points, and helping this man tie his knot on him on his w̶e̶d̶d̶i̶n̶g̶ calendar day is something I will enjoy. 

See everyone next week and as a reminder sports are canceled until November,

My Brain